As I was reading my favorite blog, Momastery, yesterday, I was struck by this insight:
“If you’ve experienced the world as loving and generous – that is how you will live, in abundance. But if you’ve experienced the world as uncaring and cold, then it only makes sense that you will continue to live with that world view.”
It made me think about my worldview, where it came from. What has shaped me.
The world I’ve experienced took away my mom – my true North, my tether to the Earth, my guiding light – at 22. I was set adrift, for a time, to suffer and to find my own path. While I was walking alongside my loving father, brother and sister, I still felt alone. It was an emptiness I never expected.
But later, this world provided me with an incredible husband and two angel-boys that set my heart on fire. They have given me passion and hope and a reason not just to live, but to better myself every day. Purpose, fulfillment, true love.
And the world didn’t stop at that. It gave me loyal and devoted brother- and sister-in-laws. An open, loving mother- and father-in-law. Eight (!) nieces and nephews that are literally my pride and joy. Friends that would do anything for me. Abundance I never could have imagined.
So there have been both – great loss and great love. My heart has felt so much pain and so much joy that I thought it might break.
On days like today, the 13th anniversary of her death, I take a moment to focus on the loss. But maybe because she was my mom, I can’t linger there long. Because I look around me and there is so much life. And while nothing, nothing will ever replace her, I can’t help but drink in the joy of what I’ve been given.
As my mom would sometimes say, with gratitude….
my cup runneth over.